Oakland, April 29: Ali-Ali Oyxenfree, would be terraceist and sewerpipes bummer wrapped himself in 8,000 gallons of gasoline this morning and started the Bay Area’s largest marshmallow toast by crashing his truck into the Hwy 80/580 interchange. Ali-Ali neglected to note that the truck containing the doomed marshmallows, which had been following him, was nowhere in sight having taken a wrong turn headed toward Walnut Creek.

Rather than toasting marshmallows, Ali-Ali’s act, in protest of the lack of bike lanes in Lodi, resulted in a melting of the 580 Freeway. President Bush denied disaster status saying the San Francisco area wont get a cent of federal aid as long as they keep on voting for Democrats. Jesse Jackson and Congresswoman Lynn Woolsey immediately held a press conference demanding an end to Bush’s illegal war on terraces and poverty. Saying “No child should be required to catch up”.

Video at 11:00!

That being said, I can’t wait for video of this accident to be spliced into Loose Change where they claim that tens of thousands of jet fuel couldn’t possibly melt steel in the WTC and cause a collapse, when a relatively piddling amount of automobile gasoline burning in an open air enviroment was enough to cause a reinforced steel-and-concrete, earthquake-hardened section to collapse like, well, the WTC.

One shouldn’t need a Ph.d to realize that steel doesn’t even need to melt – it just has to get soft enough that the weight of all that massive concrete will bring the whole thing down in an instant. Sadly, common sense and basic scientific knowledge seems to be in shortage these days….